Circumstances Don’t Make Us

I talk to a lot of successful people. I meet some of them during my public or private speaking engagements. I meet some of them in my everyday business life. And there is a common thread found among most all people who’ve made it big in this world: reading. And more specifically, reading to better yourself.

I was a late bloomer in life and didn’t catch on to this discovery until I made a conscious decision to invest in myself and spend my time being productive. Pardon the expression, but reading helped me first and foremost by getting my head out of my ass, and not a minute too soon. It transformed my thought process so much that I decided I would write a book of my own one day.

Reading Is Fundamental

Today I want to touch on a small portion of one of my books, The Power of Consistency. I’m proud to say it’s a New York Times and a Wall Street Journal bestseller, and I hope you get a chance to read it at some point.

One of the things I discuss in that book is a quote from the famous James Allen: “Circumstances do not make the man; circumstances reveal the man.” Let that point sink in deeply. Circumstances don’t make us. They simply reveal who we really are.

We tend to believe our problems in life are someone else’s fault. Or we make ourselves out to be a victim of circumstance. But the truth is that your outcomes in life are going to be determined by how you deal with those circumstances, by how you respond to those things. If you want to keep playing the role of victim, that’s a choice (but not one that will get you very far).

Ethical Compass

Stephen Covey discussed the personality ethic extensively in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. This ethic means anyone can pretend to have a nice personality. It’s the persona you show outwardly, the “face you put on.” And maybe it’s the one society expects of you.

But deep down, we all have our true character. You know, the unfiltered one, the one whose voice you can hear when you think your private thoughts. And sometimes, when we’re under pressure or when push comes to shove, that character comes out. It’s called the character ethic.

So it’s really important that you stop and think about how you react to circumstances. Because circumstances are not always controllable (think weather here), does it do any good to get mad at the rain?

Pressure Cooker

When you think of a situation, is your response like a can of soda? When it gets shaken up and opened, it spews everywhere. Or is it better to respond like a bottle of water? You can shake it for days, but when you open it, nothing happens. No overreaction, no drama.

We want to make sure we’re level-headed under pressure, like the old adage, “…calm, cool, and collected.” This is really important when dealing with your co-workers, for instance. It’s very easy to overreact when someone says or does something stupid or unnecessary.

We have to hold our temper and bite our tongue. In some situations, there are no “takebacks,” meaning there’s no undo button, and the damage can be permanent. It’s kind of like in a marriage.

Imagine you get into an argument with your wife. You have two general ways to respond: anger, shouting, fear, and intimidation, …or patience, love, and understanding. Whichever way you respond will determine the quality of that relationship.

The reason the argument started in the first place won’t even matter in the end. The outcome of your argument will be based on how you respond, plain and simple. It’s true in life and it’s true in sales. We all face difficulties. We all have bad things happen. Bad things happen to good people too.

The Driving Force

That’s why your thoughts are so important. If you can manage to have your inner thoughts drive your best actions, and your best actions drive your inner thoughts, then you’re headed in the right direction. Better responses set you up for better outcomes.

So next time you struggle with a customer, a homeowner, or a family member, stop and think about your response before speaking or taking action. Stop and think about your true character. Who are you deep down? Because that’s who will come out when the chips are down, when the pressure builds in an emotional situation.

Circumstances do not make us. Circumstances reveal us.